Why don't tampons talk to you? They're stuck up cunts.


A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar" The woman just could not believe this price so she asked the clerk if it was correct. He said, "Yes, five for a dollar." She said, "That can't be right!" Clerk says, "Yes, it's correct. See here? Five boxes for a dollar, no strings attached.


A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant's ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.
There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked: WW WA PP ATR.
the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him.
He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom. He thought "Wow" these gals really have it nice!!
So a little more boldly he pressed the WA button and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.
"Aha" he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!"
So he pushed the next button PP with anticipation. A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.
"Man, this is great," he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.
When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off...confused he buzzed the nurse to find out what happened.
ATR= AUTOMATIC TAMPON REMOVER


"; print ""; print ""; print ""; $gbvar="Select * FROM gbook order by ID DESC LIMIT " . $start . ", $numentries"; //retrieve entries from sql $row=mysql_query($gbvar) or die(mysql_error()); $formatcount=0; //color display counter while($gbvalues=mysql_fetch_array($row)) { $gbvalues[comment]=htmlspecialchars($gbvalues[comment]); $gbvalues[name]=htmlspecialchars($gbvalues[name]); $gbvalues[country]=htmlspecialchars($gbvalues[country]); $gbvalues[comment]=BBCode($gbvalues[comment]); $gbvalues[comment]=smile($gbvalues[comment]); if ($formatcount%2==0) { print ""; print ""; $formatcount++; } else { print ""; print ""; $formatcount++; } } print "
"; print ""; print "
"; if(!isset($_GET['start'])) { $start=0; } else { $start=$_GET['start']; } $order="SELECT * from gbook"; $order2=mysql_query($order) or die(mysql_error()); $d=0; $f=0; $g=1+$d/$numentries; $num=mysql_num_rows($order2); #print "Page: "; $prev=$start-$numentries; $next=$start+$numentries; if($start>=$numentries) { # print "<< "; } while($order3=mysql_fetch_array($order2)) { if($f>=$start-3*$numentries&&$f<=$start+7*$numentries) { if($f%$numentries==0) { # print "$g "; } } $d=$d+1; $g=1+$d/$numentries; $f++; } if($start<=$num-$numentries) { # print ">> "; } print ""; print "

[SignGuestbook]

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"; print "
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"; if($gbvalues[homepage]) { print " "; } if($gbvalues[mail]) { print "
"; } if($gbvalues[aim]) { print "$gbvalues[aim] "; } if($gbvalues[icq]) { print "$gbvalues[icq] "; } if($gbvalues[msn]) { print "$gbvalues[msn] "; } if($gbvalues[yim]) { print "$gbvalues[yim] "; } if(isset($_SESSION['username'])) { print"
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"; print ""; $gbvalues[comment] = wordwrap( $gbvalues[comment], 19, "\n", 1); print "$gbvalues[comment]"; if(isset($_SESSION['username'])) { print "

Edit  Delete"; } print "
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"; if($gbvalues[homepage]) { print " "; } if($gbvalues[mail]) { print "
"; } if($gbvalues[aim]) { print "$gbvalues[aim] "; } if($gbvalues[icq]) { print "$gbvalues[icq] "; } if($gbvalues[msn]) { print "$gbvalues[msn] "; } if($gbvalues[yim]) { print "$gbvalues[yim] "; } if(isset($_SESSION['username'])) { print"
IP: $gbvalues[IP]"; } print "
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Edit  Delete"; } print "
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"; ?> tags $Text = nl2br($Text); // Set up the parameters for a URL search string $URLSearchString = " a-zA-Z0-9\:\/\-\?\&\.\=\_\~\#\'"; // Set up the parameters for a MAIL search string $MAILSearchString = $URLSearchString . " a-zA-Z0-9\.@"; // Perform URL Search $Text = preg_replace("/\[url\]([$URLSearchString]*)\[\/url\]/", '$1', $Text); $Text = preg_replace("(\[url\=([$URLSearchString]*)\]([$URLSearchString]*)\[/url\])", '$2', $Text); $Text = preg_replace("/\[URL\]([$URLSearchString]*)\[\/URL\]/", '$1', $Text); $Text = preg_replace("(\[URL\=([$URLSearchString]*)\]([$URLSearchString]*)\[/URL\])", '$2', $Text); // Perform MAIL Search $Text = preg_replace("(\[mail\]([$MAILSearchString]*)\[/mail\])", '$1', $Text); $Text = preg_replace("/\[mail\=([$MAILSearchString]*)\](.+?)\[\/mail\]/", '$2', $Text); // Check for bold text $Text = preg_replace("(\[b\](.+?)\[\/b])is",'$1',$Text); // Check for Italics text $Text = preg_replace("(\[i\](.+?)\[\/i\])is",'$1',$Text); // Check for Underline text $Text = preg_replace("(\[u\](.+?)\[\/u\])is",'$1',$Text); // Check for strike-through text $Text = preg_replace("(\[s\](.+?)\[\/s\])is",'$1',$Text); // Check for over-line text $Text = preg_replace("(\[o\](.+?)\[\/o\])is",'$1',$Text); // Check for colored text $Text = preg_replace("(\[color=(.+?)\](.+?)\[\/color\])is","$2",$Text); // Check for sized text $Text = preg_replace("(\[size=(.+?)\](.+?)\[\/size\])is","$2",$Text); // Check for list text $Text = preg_replace("/\[list\](.+?)\[\/list\]/is", '
    $1
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    $1
' ,$Text); $Text = str_replace("[*]", "
  • ", $Text); // Check for font change text $Text = preg_replace("(\[font=(.+?)\](.+?)\[\/font\])","$2",$Text); // Images // [img]pathtoimage[/img] $Text = preg_replace("/\[IMG\](.+?)\[\/IMG\]/", '', $Text); $Text = preg_replace("/\[img\](.+?)\[\/img\]/", '', $Text); // [img=widthxheight]image source[/img] $Text = preg_replace("/\[img\=([0-9]*)x([0-9]*)\](.+?)\[\/img\]/", '', $Text); return $Text; } ?> "", ':(' => "", ':p' => "", ';)' => "", ';smirk' => "", ':blush' =>"", ':angry' =>"", ':shocked'=> "", ':ninja'=>"", ':cool'=>"", '(!)'=>"", '(?)'=>"", '(heart)'=>"", ':{blink}'=>"", '{clover}'=>"", ':[glasses]'=>"", ':[barf]'=>"", ':[reallymad]'=>"", ':[evil]'=>"" ); $post=str_replace(array_keys($smilies), array_values($smilies), $post); return $post; } ?>


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